A SAO LeMaoFao: Kirito's Nervy Adventure
by GabenRamen
Summary: Kirito explores games in today's time in the NVG system. Rated T for TKillyourself. Plz kill me if you you not a big boy and cant handle swear swears, dont read
1. Link: Zelda

I put my 10 kg helmet on that almost fucking killed me 4 years ago. I then put it back on my shelf that had 12 screws screwing the screws so that my bowling ball helmet would not fall off. Then i went to get my animusphere, because nervegears are for nerdgears. I then said those gay words that made my link want to reeeeeeaaaaalllllly start, and then i was in the greatest game of all time, Minecraft.

Some 6 year old already took my username Kirito, So i took the next best thing; ASSunaDestr0y3r69696969. After logging in, I saw my friends in this quality 32 pixel graphic game building some gay shit in the middle of the swamps. I picked the best quality skin in Minecraft. They called me the black swordsman, so i picked the one that suited the title the most; all black. One of my friends picked that homeless man with a mankini, Klein. Anyway we build shit craft shit eat shit sleep shit and kept yelling when we had a boss battle because we can never shut the fuck up. I still remember...

 ** _Flashback_**

 _Our most memorable moment that day was fighting a cow. And yelling and screaming while we jumped from the top of a building and hit it with a cube of sand._

We make ALL the lame fights epic!

Anyway that was it for the day. I pulled off the animusphere, then i said under my breath,"Fucking stupid game"

And then i broke the CD for minecraft the end.


	2. Unboxing Silver Sim 2030

Counter Strike: Global Offensive: The Game: The Movie: The Game: Pocket Edition: VR Mode was one of the most highly acclaimed games, except it sucks like shit. But my friends thought minecraft was super fucking boring, so they recommended me this game. They also said it had russians which never shut up. So that turned me on when i heard that

We decided to animu up a bit and played the game together when its virtual reality function was released. But we realised none of us actually fucking played this pile of shit so we fucked up. We didnt play eith russians so it was a moment of crippling depression for me. And we kept losing because Asuna wouldnt stop throwing a fucking flashbang at me. Klein also kept failing to plant the bomb, even thought the bomb had a only one button on it. So we lost 16 to -7. Dont even fucking ask me how

So after i deleted from my WaterVapour Library and told my friends to never recommend me such a cancer game again.


	3. Overwank MisAdventures: Arch 10

" _OrdinalWatch_ ", The Augma thing was a disaster. I wont go into details becaus it will spoil the movie for salty people.

But anyway theres this new game that came out i think its called Overwank or something, Anyhow it looked pretty dank so i decided to play with Asunae Nae. So apparently its about fighting other people and getting them killed, Or accidently falling off a building and actually getting killed. But it was pretty fun only 900 thousand casualties and 2000 deaths in the first week.

Anyway _Overwank_ was Overdank. It had cool characters like this japanese guy with a sword and this japanese guy with a bow, I think theyre calle Genki sushi and hands go or something i dont fucking know. (Although I'm fucking Japanese)

But anyhoozers it was a pretty fun experience killing people by being a Genji, he made me feel like a black swordsman again; Except hes fucking grey. So i guess i can say this augma overwatch thing really is dank it really gollied my gees and huffaloed my pees.

So anyway thanks for watching and as always thanks for watc- wait shit..

There was this bastard using this op robot thing i think its called Bastardon or something. But anyway he kept getting play of the game so me and Asuna went up to him and just pushed him off a building. Simple as that.


	4. Overwank MisAdventures: Arch 25

So I've been playing this dopey wopey game for about 3 days now and I've never felt my fiddles being tiddle so much. Although half my friends cant do fucking shit in a competitive match, and competitive MM is shit itself, I thought genki sushi was getting boring so I decided to try what Sinoro was using. _Hands go._

Turns out i suck at Hanzo because I've never used a damn bow in my entire life. I also tried to use hangs soap's bow to melee someone, doesn't even fucking scratch them.

One of my friends also started using this korean girl thing i think shes called D'va, not sure what shes about she looks like one of those suckers who stays at home playing video game all da- wait... Anyway this games still dank as fank but its starting to get boring because people stopped dying all of a sudden.

Oh yeah me and my friends chose the dumbest fucking ernames because too many people on this planet have heard of us; Kirito - Kiritothecheeto696969

 _Asuna - Kiritolover969696_

 _Klein - xXxxXXS4mUr41XXxxXx_

 _Silica - Dvalover99669966_

 _Lisbeth - lizard_

 _Agil - averageblackguy42069_

 _Shino - Sinonsinonsinonsinon_

 _Suguha - Leafaisbeefahere_


	5. Overwank MisAdventures: Arc Farch

"Ordinalwank 3"

Remember when i said overwank was overdank

No?

Of course you didnt

Thats because its absolutely shit now

They added this new lady nugget

I think her names sombrero or something

Anyways sombom is a piece of shit

Not that her attacks are weak

But they made her hacking ability real

So i got banned from that fucking game

Because 6 people wouldnt stop hacking my account and posting dick pics with it in a match

Gosh dangus mans

I was really into that game

I was even bronze nova 9

Thats like 9 times the bronze novas

Anyhow i hate this fucking game now i also realised that theres this other game called team fucktress 2 that ripped off overwack and now i want to play it


	6. Making A Switch (Side Story)

**Kirito Reviews: The SWITCH**

Today embarks a great day for all of us. Today, the all and beloved _Ninten_ -

 _**This fanfiction has been sued due to the copyright claims of the company,_ _ **Microsoft**_ _.**_

Today, Sogo has released a brand new console, known as the _Second-Wave-Inter-Technologic-Console:_ _HardcorEdition. [SWITCH]_

Although consoles haven't been a thing for the past 20 years, it still feels great to get a new console. I've heard it had the new game, The Link of Start: Breath to the Ocarina Past. And my god, was there a lot of graphics. There were graphics to the left, graphics to the right, sometimes even graphics in front of you. I found a cute little Goomba and I named it Edgy because it was really Eiji. The SD card was so big, to give proportion, I could fit 2 dust_de in there. Eventually I arrived at the boss named _Eggman_ , and we had a dank fight with rare Pepe memes. Overall the controls were a little messy, and I couldn't figure out how to start the _SWITCH_ until I realised you had to press a button. I screamed "Link, commence operation!" For a long time and I think Asuna is getting the divorce papers now. After a while it had cool red rings around it and it blew up. So that's a nice touch I guess. I'll give it an Re:Zero out of Ten because it sucks ass and the waifu doesn't even appear the second half of the seaso..- I MEAN **GAME**.


	7. SAO: OS Movie Review (Side Story)

hey everyone its gamergod69696969 here and today im gonna be reviewing what has to be the most anticipated movie of the month, Sword Art Online: Order of the Snail for blueray

now after watching 12 whole minutes of the movie, i can definitely, most certainly, without a shred of doubt about and around say that this is definitely the only movie ive ever watched

in this movie, we see kriitos, an edgy faggot who wants to become a **biiiiiig boooooooy**

but that's not all

because in this movie, Sword Art Online: Origami Sail, he wants to become an even bigger **biiiiiiiiig booooooooooy**

he meets an edgier edge that is edgier than all the edges he has ever edged

his names also eiji, but i like to call him edgy wedgy the fedgy

so what does this got to do with Sword Art Online: Ordering from Sales

well edgy wants to become the edgiest edge, like no edge ever edged

and to catch other edgy men was his real test, and edging them was his cause

so he traveled across japan, searching far and wi- wait fuck this is not pokemon

oh well, Sword Art Online: Ordinary Scales did remind me of that gay game pokemon no

but anywho, lets get back on track

so there was a fight and then another fight and kirito the cheeto fell down and then he had a fight then he had a mental fight then edgy wedgy came in and fight then his girlfriend fight his boyfriend fight the fight the fight the fight the fight fight fight fight kling klang klong swords clashing, steels-a-smashing, bashing and dashing like your skins a-rashing, fight in basement, fight in building, yadayadayadayada, screaming in fights, fights screaming, big boss, small boss, boss boss, hunk boss, saves girlfriend, girlfriend saves him, girlfriend save him again, daughter's a butterfly, plays barbie manly adventures, proposing, marriage, funtimes yadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayadayada and thats about it

i have to say i was thoroughly impressed with Sword Art Online: Chromatic Scale because i didnt really watch much after that because i slept through it, so id have to give it a 7 edgies out of 10, the music and graphics were great, but the plots still pretty shit

however the blueray dvd tastes great


	8. Pokemom NO

"Pokemon NO"

So overwank turned out to be this big ripoff of team fortress 2

But anyway i could afford team fucktress 2

But decided

Fuck this game

It looked gay as shit on the cover

So i decided to play this other gay game that was pretty fucking old until some smartass released for the augma

Pokemon Globe

Now

Pokemon Golb sounds pretty shit

And was pretty shit

And youre right

It is shit

But i had nothing to play and asuna went to some rich place to drink fucking tea

So i brought yui along

Because

Why not

So it was still pretty tiring because i had to run 40 km a day just to catch something

But it was doper than the original Pokemon Glow

You actually threw something this time

WOW

But anyway it still had that high death rate just like in most poor countries

So one time i was walking down the street and then some car crashed into this man who was also playing

And i had yui with me

So i was like fuck how the fuck am i gonna explain this

Then yui asked me, "papa is that man okay?"

So i thought for a moment and said the most appropriate response possible, "no that mans gone bye bye say bye bye to him yui"

"Bye bye"

And then i went to eat ramen

Like a true korean

Anyhow Pokemon Glob still fucking sucks they took 1 step forward with the graphics but 100 steps backward with the encounter rates

Now i literally have to go to a forest to catch a fucking mouse

Guess im playing that gay fortress game


	9. The Cancer27

"i was playing saowy wowie memory defrag me but i couldnt get past this one level because this cancer kept kicking my ass" said kriito, the guy who plays phone games at a fucking campfire, annoyingly

"is it the _**cancer27**_ " asked asuna, questioningly

"BLIMEY" exclaimed klein. kleinly

"whos the _**cancer27**_ " asked suguha, sugu-ly

"some say the _**cancer27**_ has 27 cancer cells in his brain, because he plays this fucking game too much" answered silica, silicon-dioxidely

"some say his cancer can spread to virtual reality, which is how little shits like recon were born" added keiko, lizbethly

"some say he was born from the age of cancer, coincidentally that was when alfheim was made" said kriito the cheeto, dorito-ly

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

"GOD DAMMIT I LOST AGAIN FUCK THIS GAME" yelled kiirto the dirto, burito-ly

"its ok" comforted suguha, suguha-ly

'in forest' doo doo doo doo doo doo dooooooooooooooo

"lol theres no pvp in this game you just suck kitiro" mumbled andrew, **agil** ity-ly

"YOOOUUUURRRREEEEE MEEEEEAAAAAANNNNNNNNN" said shino, sinonly

LOL HAPPY SNAPPY LATE APRIL FOOLS YA SAOWY WOWIE MANGDANGS HAVE AN OXYGEN-FILLED DAY


	10. 1000B of Explosive Samsung 7 Storage

"The new update has made me a lot of annoying things in life and when you get to see what I do with it it is very slow to get it back on point but it doesn't have a better idea than it was because I had a better app and a lot more money and more money to play and then it will get a lot better and more challenging to play and more than a few more hours to do without being a bad guy and a good idea for me and more than I do to my Brother because he has no interest to me and when he gets into my room and he has a better chance to go on to play and play with me to my life he has a better idea of what I want for a new year than me I will be happy with you guys I hope he is better and more better and I can be happy to have him in a life that will always have to a life he has a lot to say he is not even worth a lot to do so he has a better life and he is more of an important person and more of his own life than he is to be a man of god who will be better and better to better and more better and he has to be better and better than you and will always have a chance you can do it to your life he will be better and more than he is a life and a life that you will be happy for your friends you will be happy and when he is your best and will be happy with your future he said." texted kirito, koreanly

the next day, when the sun was sunny, asuna filed another 17382 divorce papers because she thought kirito was gay for his brother who was a man of god and happy for her future


	11. Story Time Filler: Not Clickbait

Hey there dingdongers, Mikesauce, Vehicle here. Boy it sure is white in here. Ill be doing one of those shitty update chapters every fucker on this site does because they are attention seeking. And ill be using crapcake emoticons like this: :)))))))), ^_^ and 8-D (diamond spade from minecraft adventures 47 season 4 stanza 29). Ill also be fucking obnoxious like hell one earth and use them every word in a sentence from now on.

hey guys?￢ﾘﾺ️? ﾟﾘﾭ? ﾟﾘﾁ ️:))))))))), ? ﾟﾑﾉ? ﾟﾑﾉ? ﾟﾑﾉi have been? ﾟﾑﾈ? ﾟﾑﾈ? ﾟﾑﾈ? ﾟﾑﾈ gone ? ﾟﾘﾱ? ﾟﾘﾧ? for along time ⏰⏰⏰⏰⏱⏱ now and just want to apologise :((((( ;( ;( ;( ;( for not ? ﾟﾑﾆ? ﾟﾑﾆ?updating? ﾟﾑﾆ? ﾟﾑﾆ? ﾟﾑﾆ? ﾟﾑﾆ? ﾟﾑﾆ? ﾟﾖﾕ? ﾟﾖﾕ? ﾟﾖﾕ for such a long time ⏱⏱⏱⏱⏱⏰⏰⏰⏰⏰⏰ anyways ive had it rough? ﾟﾙﾁ ️ ️ ️? ﾟﾘﾟ? ﾟﾘﾱ? ﾟﾘﾵ? ﾟﾘﾵ? because im stuck on a planet ? ﾟﾌﾎ? ﾟﾌﾎ just like you? ﾟﾖﾕ? ﾟﾖﾕ. Anyways rrom now ill be updating from every fuck all to fuck off. Love you guys.? ﾟﾑﾌ? ﾟﾑﾉ? ﾟﾑﾈ? ﾟﾑﾌ? ﾟﾑﾉ? ﾟﾑﾈ? ﾟﾑﾌ? ﾟﾘﾍ? ﾟﾘﾍ? ﾟﾘﾍ? ﾟﾘﾍ? ﾟﾘﾍ?


	12. 1st Day of Christmas

"dad tell me a story" said yui, littleshittedly

"no" replied kirito, asunally

"tell me a fucking story"

"ok so this is how babies are made"

"you told me that story another one"

"fuck you, ok so this was how i began my adventure"

and kazuto began, kirigayally

"so a few yea-"

and yui fell asleep because she was too much of a little shit to hear what her dad was saying

"youre a little shit yui" said kirito, kazugayally

and then kirito lifted the bed and threw it off the mountain they were living on because they couldnt pay rent for a fishhouse near a lake

the end

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	13. 2nd Day of Christmas

I put that bowling ball on my head again because today was the release date for donkey donkey literature club vr global offensive pocket edition 360. I was excited until asuna showed me more divorce papers, but fuck her. Now you might be wondering, why wear a bowling ball when you can wear google glasses...

I dont fuckin know

So i yelled out as japanese as i could, "RINKU SUTARUTO" and realised the shit wasnt even plugged in and could hear asuna signing more divorce papers.

When i got into the game after yui bothered me like a little shit and asked why i had no sex life, i found it to be the most beautiful experience ever experienced since i experienced toast on bread. It was as nice a feeling like how god threw a big rock at the planet. **SENSATIONAL.** I got past the first boss with my starburst scream but the girl donkey thing got frightened and now shes hanging herself. Oh well. After hours of screaming starburst at donkey girls i realised this was truly a gift from god himself. But then i stopped because the game told me to go into a classroom and i felt insulted. And i was hungry. So i lifted off my 3kg bowling ball helmet and fucked a sandwich the end.


	14. 3rd Day of Christmas

osu finally came to vr so i decided to wear my bowling ball of a helmet once again to play the greatest fps made by mankind. but yui kept bothering me so i got my cousin leafaisbeefa to take her somewhere far away, where she'll never come back... ever...

anyway, i played osu for a solid 5 minutes and i have got to say the graphics were **great**

there were graphics on the left, graphics on the right, sometimes there would even be graphics right in front of you

 ** _wow_**

but i realised osu was very hard especially on maps with half a star

i had to become a fidget spinner to complete the spinny wheel

my texture pack also looked like yak shit, someone changed it to the csgo texture pack, probably yui being a faggot again

anyway 10/10 cant play will never play

bye


	15. 4th Day of Christmas (12-27 10:04:32)

"yui youre a little shit"

"but dad if you think about aren't we all shit"

"no yui it's just you"

It's the fourth day of Christmas today because it's Japanese time and everyone know japanese time counts in japanumbers. we aren't able to afford a tree this year like any other year so we had to make one up in sao

I put on my 5600009999999999kg bowling ball and yelled " _LINKO STARTCATTO!1!1!11111!!!1!_ 1" and was instantly greeted with dial up sounds and eventually was teleported back into a wall.

"Sao a

nd their glitches" I said saidingly

we didn't get a star for our Christmas tree too this year so I tried to put asuna onto the tree instead but she wouldn't do it because she's a bitch like she always is

So instead I crushed our divorce papers together and forced it onto the Christmas tree. Overall I think I'll give this year a solid 20/15 because I feel that we've progressed backwards since last year

also earth-chan is a fucking shit meme


	16. 5th Day of Christmas

today was a special day

it was the day i get presents and fuck all allowance

it was also yuis birthday but no one cares

so i put on my rock of a helmet again to make shit in sword art offline

because im too poor to afford real presents

or food

you might be asking "isnt asudbfnfndk wcocnakel"

well no but glad you asked little billy

asuna is currently the richest man on the moon but i spent all her money on japanese things like vacuum robots and mouthwash

so i could barely pay rent (were 338294892 earth dollars in debt god save us)

but i could still afford the electricity because i stole it from the local street lamp

anywho when i got into sao, the greatest creation since chopped trees and toothpaste, i was greeted by the vast mountains, and then got stuck in the wall again when everything loaded

fuck this game

i wanted to get the most expensive present for asuna

and probably that other little shit who lives with us

but we spent all our money on rent and i only had 3 dollars and a ramen noodle

so i bought her a rock and wrapped it up using leaves from that pink japanese tree

yes i am japanese i was rated 9/11 on the most japanese scale

apparently she didnt like it and i was forced to live in the river

she also got more divorce papers and stole my earthchan porn


	17. An Authors Anecdote

Hey everyone, it's Jeff from the Overwat

We've been getting buckets of comments recently about where the sixth day is, and we would just like to share the problem with you

The thing is, as a bing bong sad man who dies a little on the inside everyday, i haven't learnt to count past 5

Therefore, chapter 6 isn't producable at the moment and I'm sure you can understand what I'm going through

I've tried getting help but everyone's just calling me a faggot

Moral of the story Madhouse should've produced sao this way it never gets a season 2

Despasticito signing out

Also be sure to follow us on twitter Instagram deviantart reddit YouTube musescore google google-thanks we make content for only the higher intellectuals


	18. minecraft steve

today i will be playing the greatest game created by swedish gods themselves: minecraft version 1.384792.27

it was truly an experience that i could never forget mainly because this was life scarring

the last time i played minecraft was in chaper one which was around 4 swedish years ago, now revisiting i am ready to stop being a natural hacker and turn into a minecraft musical lets play sensation

i have never seen so many graphics before since the last time i played it there were graphics to the west graphics to the east and sometimes there were graphics inside the graphics

 ** _amazing_**

did you know minecraft was made by the swedish god of geometry and squares himself "mak r us 'top of the notchy to ya apple laddies' pearsson minecraft" and first called it rubydung as in "ruby shit" he later realised that there were no rubies and passed on his creation to the swedish god of beards and meatballs "jib" who was later renamed to "jebunderscore"

anyway those were some high intellectual facts of minecraft but thats not what im here to talk about

as you know i am a level 12 japanese and i am more than qualified on how to teach you minecraft lets plays

so today i will be going through the new update logs in minecraft like any other madman who wants to make a 10 minutes video for adrevenue

the new minecraft has added very game changing features such as "made cows moo 7.7282 microseconds longer" and "adding 827 new colours of wool" making minecraft much closer to becoming the new ms paint 3d

other features included "making grass 4 whole pixels higher" and "now edible trees"

i played the new update for a solid **4** minutes and i felt like i was playing one of those triple a fps mmorpg moba games like gta17 or tetris and made me question why i am still married to asuna while i can pursue my dream of becoming a minecraft _god_

anyway id give this game a hypercube/10 the graphics were still the same but the trees tastes great


	19. 7 minecraft facts you have never seen

did you know minecraft was originally the name of a german tactic "mein kraft" to throw german sausages at the allies party this fact was confirmed by youtube sensation philosopher for the roblox community and god of big lads "biggius laddius memeulousiusius skrrtius something subscribe" the tactic later became the name of a game due to the founding swedish god of steves and legos "markarius 'notchius' perssoniaiusius" who then changed the name to "minecraft" as we all know today which is also the name of a tactic to throw swedish meatballs at passersby this game was of course later passed down to his apprentice and swedish commanding naval officer god "jens 'jibs' burgerking" who later was known by ancient swedish fruitsellers as "job_" later deciphered to be "jeb_" in the year 2030 by japanese-american-african-asian "agilius blackmanius" a servant under the legendary great fantastic amazing superb splendid black swordsman "kazuto 'not black' kiriGAYa" who was the husband of "yuukius 'asuna' assuna" and the father of "little 'yui you little shit' shit" little is also known that kazuto is also affliated with the japanese god of red bandanas and shaved beards "klein 'klein' bottle" and was also once the mortal enemy of "kayabus 'akihabara' akihikihikihikihiko"

thank you for tuning into another episode of did you know cancer we hope you have a pleasant flight good bye


	20. Minecraft lets play season 3

did you know that a similar event to 9/11 happened in the fantasy city of england called "mine/11" it involved 7 year old love childs of swedish men using foam diamond pickaxes and dressed up as cardboard versions of famous swedish celebrity and ancient god of fists minecraft steve using their foam pickaxes to abduct and torture several civillians in local ikea whilst capturing the queen and forcing her to watch 8 hour long minecraft lets plays by minecraft-terrorist-in-disguise "dan damniel" who was referred to online by his alias "danthedicksonminecart"

hey guys, kirito82199394 here and that was one of the highly intellectual facts that i certainly did not make up or steal from legendary hit sensation big lad memeulous

anyway today i will be reviewing the vr of mcpe because vr finally came to the ipad xxv big lad edition (to be fair you can just get duct tape and strap this shit on your face for a vr experience and 2000 degree eyes"

moving on today we are going to review the timeless classic and game of the universes lifespan minecraft: pieceofshit edition

as you are all aware i am indeed a level 12 japanese as said in the previous chapters but i have now downgraded to level 9 mainly because i now watch korean drama and asuna wants to divorce with me again

also i dropped yui in the gorilla enclosure but thats not the point here

anyway today we will review the update logs of mcpe as i am sure after years of development and brilliant thoughts conceived by the god of orange beards and commanding officer of the swedish meatball gang jeb burgerking i am very positively sure that they had made the most incredible update known to man rivalling creations like fire and mouthwash

so without further ado, _heeeeeereeeee we gooooooooooo_

"update 1.4891047493.279384: added turtle"

"and shutdown vr for eye cancer complaints"

fuck


	21. The average japanese family

hello everyone no incredibly highly intellectual not made up minecraft fact today instead i am now moving away from minecraft and focusing on the god-blessed creation and sensational gaming platform of the millenium roblox

but thats for another time (thank god) because today ill be focusing on my one and only daughter who doesnt want to leave me alone especially when im taking a shit: yui

yui has been by my side for fuck long and now thinking about it i give fuck all

she is one of those girls you know what i mean

those girls you want to leave in a gorilla enclosure and move to a different country under a different name with 73 plastic surgeries done by korean shoe shop owners

anyway she has been good for the past 6 minutes mainly because we made her watch minecraft lets plays but to give you a perspective on how bad my family is this is an average conversation:

"tell me story" said yui yuily

"no ecksdee" said kirito kiritoly

"WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"pls dont cry urmums already gonna shove an umbrella up my ass for spending all her in game money on rocks"

"k tell me story"

"fuck you"

the end


	22. Overwatch ripoff

paladins was created by hirez a game company who ironically couldnt give high resolution to people who play on work laptops or the macintosh toaster

i was astonished to find that i wasnt experiencing eye cancer when i logged into "paladins vr" and was even more surprised when i didnt glitched into the menu screen until i did

this game is great because if you are a 43 year old 800 pound man you can play and dress up as a neko loli

i personally love playing this game with friends until the match actually starts and am reminded of how 5 japanese gamers are no match against 5 screaming japanese gamers

apparently i cant play as the neko loli because that little shit of a siri clone always takes it and i am forced to play swedish man and half brother of toblerone barik

i wanted asuna to pick ying for **undisclosed reasons** but she always picks turtle god and saviour and fifth member of the teenage mutant ninja turtles makao

klein picks ying for um

 **special japanese purposes**

and lastly agil picks the most american thing which was rejected call of duty modern warfare demastered soldier and russian commander of shaved beards viktor

if you have been keeping you should know that we have a full team of classes and you might be saying "briwkchwoosxpjcjef" well yes we thought we were gonna win too special snowflake but everyone knows that in paladins a fully composed team is no match for 5 flanks

fuck this game


	23. the new roblox sensation

as i said before i am a level 12 japanese who got deraded to level 9 but i have now returned to a solid level 15 mainly because i have picked up the intricate practice of devouring cup noodles while watching godlike anime like "re: zero cc: zero" and "bananya"

additionally my extra 3 levels were obtained because of me eating the cup itself nothing more japanese than that

anyway today is a special day because i will be starting my roblox (rouburokkusu for all you weebs out there) career (god help me)

but first i will always give you highly intellectual and definitely not made up facts to start your day (and also give you brain cancer)

did you know that the thought of roblox was originally conceived by creator or bricks and legos legolas who then moved on to making movies about rings this ancient idea was then passed down for generations till it reached the hands of weirdo and god of duplo david bazooka who then coined the idea and creaed roblox the gaming platform sensation played by people or age 7-13 or 70-130 this game then inspired many creators to make shitty ripoffs of games for poor people who could not spend their moms credit card on steam such creators include the rivalling god of minecraft and creator of laggiest roblox game berezaa who made timeless classics like miners crafthaven 2 and harambe tycoon this legendary hit sensation of a gaming platform also inspired youtube sensation and buff god of dabs danthecancerminecart


	24. Best fanfiction 2018

hey everyone its 2018 now (unless your one of those sad people on the other half of the planet) and as you know japanese was first inspired from ancient beings who didnt know what forks were and ate rice 5 times an hour the chinese and since this is the new year my family has decided to wear chinese clothes because thats how it works i think

asuna chose one of those ripoff kimonos and i wore one of those short ripoff kimonos

yui still wanted to dress like santa so we just put her in a cage (what ae you talking about this isnt child abuse i think)

we also wanted the full chinese experience but we realised this was japan so we got the closest thing to chinese food which was cup noodles and yes we did eat the cup to prove our japaneseyness

and now it was time for fireworks

i wore my bowling ball of a rock of a helmet to yelled "RINKUSIO SUTARUTOIOIO" and woke up everyone in a 7 mile radius and had a sore throat i was then greeted by the sound of fax machines and world war 1 telephones and got my head stuck in a wall

"Mgmgmfmmhmhmhmfmfgm" i said saidingly again

after asuna yanked me out we realised that sao didnt have fireworks so we just burnt a bunch of trees and divorce papers

we also accidentally set fire to the house but its ok (no its not help)

asuna said some speech at the end like every anime character and then said something to me but i wasnt listening so i did one of those japanese mhms every other anime character does

yui was still a little shit after we got out though

"dad tell me story"

"youre adopted"

"but you already told me that story"

"fuck off"

anyway we also did that noodle thing those strange chinese people do when they start a new year but because we were too japanese we used cup noodles and sushi rolls instead and sprinkled them crispy japanese prawn crackers

k its night time bye dont forget to subscribe to despasticito

(i also realised i need to get that little shit a present for her birthday fuck)


	25. casual conversation creates complication

"Yui?"

"Yeah what"

"Can you pass me the-"

"No"

"Listen yui that was not a fucking question"

"Dad I think that is child abuse"

"Yui I think this is parent abuse"

"Fuck you"

"Well you're adopted"

"No dad, I'm Yui"

"Listen Yui who's the fucking dad here"

"Wh-"

"I'm kitiro69696969 and you are not allowed to make dad jokes"

"Hey"

"What now Yui"

"What'd you call a shit that's in pain?"

"What?"

"A kirito"

"I will fuck the shit out of you"

"But I'm a robot"

"I will shit the fuck out of you"

"That's not how it-"

"Yui if you continue being a piece of fuckstick I will remove another triple A battery from your system"

"I don't run on batteries"

"But I've been feeding you batteries"

"No dad that's mums plate"

"Oh fuck"


	26. Loli fights

It was a normal New Year for everyone. Asuna was making Japanese rice while yui and I get some quality family bonding time.

"Youre ad-"

"Yes I know I'm adopted"

"I was gonna say you're a piece of shit"

"Fite me"

"No your gonna cry"

"Why do people even call you the black swordsman if you're so white"

"That's feminism"

"Dad this dress makes you look fat"

"SAY THAT TO MY FACE"

"I just did"

"fite me right now 1v1 rust"

We logged out of sao and went to ggo the best mix of music of all time. I bought my trusty lightsaber while yui bought her cube of sand along with her. The countdown started

十，九，八，七，六

Look mum I can speak Japanese now

Once the round starts I ran towards yui and knocked her hands out of her sand.

"N-Nani?" Yui gasps in japanese. I tried to stab her with my lightsaber but I realize that she's an immortal object do whatever I do is redundant

Yui then 360 noscopes me from dust 2 rust and did a wallbang headshot play of the game match mvp and that went down in history

Moral of the story nobody liked s2


	27. normal japanese family

"hey yui what time is it" said kirito japanesely

"its 11.27 you are scheduled to have sexy time with your pillow at 11.35 and tell me a story now" sai yui littleshittedly

"fuck off"

"but you already told me that story"

"why did i adopt you"

this was the average japanese conversation in the japanese household of hacking sensation and not black black swordsman "kazuto 'level 15 japanese' kiriGAYa"

there were many dialogues exchanged in this household so heres a few of them

this is during an average day:

"107 108 109 110 111"

"asuna what are you counting"

"our divorce papers"

this one is before breakfast:

"tell me story" said yui yuily again

"its the fucking morning"

"thats a boring story tell me another one"

"fuck off"

heres rare conversation at a park:

"i want ice cream" said yui yuily again again

"no ecksdee"

"WWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"asuna pls throw into the lake"

"but i want ice cream" said asuna assunaly "WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"for fucks sake"

this is while watching quality 100 emoji anime:

"you like this show yui" asked asunally assuna

"yes that guy looks like papa"

"and whys that"

"hes ugly"

when yui goes online:

"yui what are you watching" questioned kirito questioningly

kirito peered over yuis shoulder and saw

"WELCOME TO MY MINE

WE ARE MINING DIAMONDS

WE ARE GONNA STRIP MINE

WE DONT HAVE TO FIGHT MOBS

WELCOME TO MY MINE

PLAY THAT NOTEBLOCK NICELY

SHOW ME ALL THOSE EMERALDS

WE DONT HAVE TO DODGE LAVA

 **DOO DU DI DOOOO DOOOOOOO DOOOOOOOO**

 **DOO DU DI DOOOO DOOOOOOO DOOOOOOOO"**

"asuna how do you delete an ai"

when kirito goes online:

"papa can i watch XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX with you"

"sure why not"

when asuna goes online:

"mama what are you doing"

"printing out more divorce papers"

and of course heres convesation before yui goes to bed:

"tell me story"

"ok one time there was this little robot shit of a siri clone who would not stop asking for stories so i suggest threw her into a gorilla enclosure the end"

"but thats story sucks i dont even like robots"

"youre an ai"

"tell me another story"

"what the hell do you want me to tell you"

"that time when you were a girl you looked less ugly"

"shut the fuck up"


	28. How to become a roblox god (story time)

as i have said before i am japanese but more importantly i am pursuing my dream of becoming a roblox youtube hit musical lets play sensation (kill me) and have decided to plat timeless classics like super mega fun obby tycoon and super mega ULTRA fun obby tycoon (why did i agree to this)

yes indeed my lifelong dream since i was in kindergarten was to play online lego for poor people and enter the rsports (rsports is an actual fucking thing by the way i dont know how or why)

i took my bowling ball benny of a bagdown big boy helmet and japanesingly smashed it onto my head to forget the pain im going to experience as well as trying to forget to feed yui more car batteries

roblox was an immersive world full of round legos and 360p graphics if youre trying run it on a macintosh toaster with nvidia 200 by 300mm cardboard graphics card

it was a great experience until i yelled "RINKUSIO MCSUTARUTONIOIOIOIOIO" and got my head stuck in the ground before being flund into the air and off to a different server

 _dabtastic_

now for my next step to becoming a legoland simulator hit musical sensation

playing roblox is great and all until you play a game

i chose the game for big boys which was counterblox roblox offensbloxbluxbluh

it was like the real counterstrike only not ran by valve and had real game mechanics

i was about to create my first le epic unfunny moments montage that i would submit to faze when yui logged me out and asked me if she could eat the power outlet

as usual

anyway this was my first day on becoming a roblox god so subscribe and like the button if you wait shit thats not right


	29. How to make a godlike youtube video

Hello everybody god of roblox sensations kirito kazugaya here and today i will be starting my minecaft 2 lets play once again

I have given a tutorial on how to become a robloxgod and youtube hit musical vevo sensation in my last chapter and many of you have folowed those steps and have requested for a part 2 of how to become the almightly omnipotent god of a lego simulator so today i will be doing just that

If you want to become and amazing hit sensation you need to first buy a microphone my choice was the poundland bentushie microphone after i got it from a tesco 3 pound meal deal

Next you need one of them sick computer flat glasses to play games like roblox and pong 4d

I am currently using the best glass from the local japanese flower shop which i borrowed after window shopping with asuna because she wanted to buy a ring or some shit and said she waned real food because she keeps finding batteries in her lunch

Next you need a capture card my favourtie is currently elgayto 720 degrees 240p plastic box i have been very successful with my youtube videos when using this currently my most viewed video "sword art offline lets play with 937 mods part 5/7284959594827" has now passed 5 views (i know godlike right)

Finally you need an editing software i highly recommend windows movie maker lite and ms paint 3d to make your high quality thumbnails

Now lets make the video first you need to record gameplay and commentary normally this should be you doing fuck all for 30 hours and making 3 pixels of the progress bar in games while talking about shit like eating a meatball at the local japanese ikea or something

If youre a youtube manboygirl doing shit like "minecraft le epic unfunny moments montage 3728" then you should be doing those le epic funny bing bongs in game like for example i like to teamkill girl whose better than asuna "sinon" and make her very angry and swear in japanese in voicechat while spamming "ecksdee" in teamchat and telling people that theyre in palace and planting the defuse kit when we are playing gun gay online for big boys

Next step is you need that sick dubstep intro that everyone definitely wants to hear

 ** _Definitely_**

I highly recommend you using classical hit sensation "mc mental at his best lyrics" whilst putting the volume a whole 50 decibels above the given the volume that way more people will subscribe

You also need a sick intro title i personally record myself on powerpoint spinning the text in circles and doing dubstep sounds with my mouth sometimes i get yui to do them because shes an ai and ais are more qualified than human beings to do dubstep intros because they eat batteries and shit

Lastly you need to add words at every 2 millisecond intervals saying "please dicksmash that subscribe button" or "remember to punch urmum with that like buttom kwebblekocks" and then proceed to play more shitty dubstep intro rap music in your outro

Dont forget to also keep the music at high volume throughout your lets play for more immersion and click "distortion" when editing your commentary to make it sharper this will get you more subscribers

Finally remember to title your video something everyone can remember like "kid commits suicide in minecraft funny moments part 6/3" that way more people are likely to find your channel and remember that this isnt some average youtube bloke theyre watching its the next world leader

anyway the force is equal to the accelerigatou times the gozaimassu and make sure to osukeyboardsmash that review button if you want to see more of this cancer and stay tuned for the return of the god of roblox im dorito kiriGAYa and fuck all of you bung chungs bye


	30. another robloxian day

I ha dmany improtant things to do like pay taxes and take yui out for a walk making sure she ingests her daily dose of local car batteries when i realised that i needed to play roblox the greatest game created since the big bang

Asuna was not happy i wasnt feeding yui but it was okay i said i was going to become a roblox musical hit sensation lets player and she left

I asked yui if she wanted to play despite feeling hungry and she said yes

Now we were going to play very big triple a games on roblox like "miners haven 3" and "get eaten by gordon ramsay"

Yui was very excited to play roblox classic phantom faeces and was going to show off her amazing master guardian 6 skills but only kept shooting trees because she thought they were people

After losing 6 rounds straight because half my team soent 4 minutes trying to pick up a gun while running we got out because i already experienced enough amcancer for the day

Yui wanted ice cream again and story and i wanted to die because of this little shit

"Tell me story ecksdee"

"For fucks sake asuna can you tie her to the bed please"

"But i want story" said asuna wanna "WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Me too" said yui tui "WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Fuck my life"

At this rate i would be going to that suicide forest but i heard a blonde ugly mushroom meatloaf bloke with a big nose who sells hoodies and shit just arrived in japan and was going to play pokemon "get lost you meatball" over there so i doubt i could commit sudoku in peace


	31. Roblox die

hello everybody it is famous man gabenramen and no i am not dead just only inside and a bit on the outside

i have come back to give you quality shit thats on the same level as whats in a modern art museum

"i was very enthusiastic (no) because roblox the eighth wonder of the world had a new game called "mining simulator" (why) and this was definitely the quality game i have been waiting a whole 40 japanese years to come out _definitely_

the game was crazy it totally blew my mind that someone could make a minecraft ripoff and make it worse than minecraft like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

i then decided to spend the next 3727 japanese years and a couple of swedish years playing this game in order to become an elite case hardened gamer and also start my training for the roblox esports

this was also the beginning for more divorce papers

yui asked if she could join me but as you know roblox esports training is for big boys and yuis not a big or a boy so i said no and she started crying again you know like "WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" and i had to find another enclosure at the zoo to throw her into

anyway roblox is the ultimate gaming platform that will bring a lifetime of quality experiences and steam sucks fuck you all"


End file.
